Confessions of a Recovering Pessimist
Hi. My name is Natalie, and I am an addict.
I don’t remember when the habit started. Perhaps I’ve been hooked since I was born. Every day, I wake up ready to get my fix. I’ve tried to fight it, but most of the time, I don’t even realize I’m using. I am a junkie, powerless to the hold that my addiction has over me. I am not only negatively impacting my life, but the lives of those around me. But today, I am ready to make a promise. Today, I am getting clean. Today—I am quitting pessimism.
For years, I have been jealous of all these so-called optimists, walking around with their glasses half-full and always finding the silver lining in every cloud. I’ve been pretty convinced that optimists are users too—only their fix likely comes in prescription form. No one could be that naturally high all of the time! How could they possibly be so blind to all the justifications for remaining negative? Take, for example, a typical morning in New York City, where I live and work (and can’t deny that optimists are in short supply): You rush out of your closet-sized apartment, which costs half your salary and you share with a random Craigslister who has annoying habits like thinking the dishwasher is the most “sanitary” way to clean the toilet brush. Once outside, you realize that you’ve left your metrocard upstairs. You sprint back up the four flights of stairs, retrieve your card, and resume on with your commute. Upon arriving at the subway station, you kick yourself as you realize your moment of forgetfulness has now caused you to miss the train by seconds. This wouldn’t be so bad, except after waiting twenty minutes for the next one, the conductor announces there is an electrical problem and your train is no longer operating. You strain to make sense of the instructions being given over the PA by the muffled Charlie-Brown teacher impersonator. Failing to understand a word, you give up and spring for a cab. You finally arrive at work—late, irritated, and ready to start your day.
I often wondered how the optimist manages to still see the bright side during mornings like these? It seems impossible. I used to speculate that optimists just don’t have anything to be pessimistic about. Maybe their lives are just better than mine. Maybe only good things happen to them. Maybe they’re actually just really lucky people. At least, that’s the theory I carried around in my mind next to all my other pessimistic thoughts for most of my life. Like most users, I made excuses and rationalizations for my addiction. But not anymore.
Eventually, I had that rock bottom moment where I knew my habit was crippling me. I was finally ready to admit it. I wanted to break free of its grip. I wanted to take control. I wanted to be an optimist. I wanted to own a pair of those rose-colored glasses. Maybe it is possible, I thought. Maybe I can change.
I knew breaking the habit couldn’t happen over night, and I couldn’t cut cold turkey. I started slow. I took baby steps. Just replace one negative thought for a positive one, I told myself. And then two, and three… But like overcoming most addictions, it was challenging and there were relapses. Those pesky pessimistic thoughts kept creeping their way back to the surface. That’s when I decided I couldn’t fight this alone. My treatment would require a plan and a support system.
In March 2011, I launched Filling the Glass, a blog devoted to my journey to a more optimistic life. Here, I share my laughter, frustrations, insights, and experiences on my road to a healthy, positive mental attitude. With the accountability of a community of online readers, I know I can make a full recovery. But if there are ever days when my wine glass seems half-empty, know that I’ll probably just fill it up!
I don’t remember when the habit started. Perhaps I’ve been hooked since I was born. Every day, I wake up ready to get my fix. I’ve tried to fight it, but most of the time, I don’t even realize I’m using. I am a junkie, powerless to the hold that my addiction has over me. I am not only negatively impacting my life, but the lives of those around me. But today, I am ready to make a promise. Today, I am getting clean. Today—I am quitting pessimism.
For years, I have been jealous of all these so-called optimists, walking around with their glasses half-full and always finding the silver lining in every cloud. I’ve been pretty convinced that optimists are users too—only their fix likely comes in prescription form. No one could be that naturally high all of the time! How could they possibly be so blind to all the justifications for remaining negative? Take, for example, a typical morning in New York City, where I live and work (and can’t deny that optimists are in short supply): You rush out of your closet-sized apartment, which costs half your salary and you share with a random Craigslister who has annoying habits like thinking the dishwasher is the most “sanitary” way to clean the toilet brush. Once outside, you realize that you’ve left your metrocard upstairs. You sprint back up the four flights of stairs, retrieve your card, and resume on with your commute. Upon arriving at the subway station, you kick yourself as you realize your moment of forgetfulness has now caused you to miss the train by seconds. This wouldn’t be so bad, except after waiting twenty minutes for the next one, the conductor announces there is an electrical problem and your train is no longer operating. You strain to make sense of the instructions being given over the PA by the muffled Charlie-Brown teacher impersonator. Failing to understand a word, you give up and spring for a cab. You finally arrive at work—late, irritated, and ready to start your day.
I often wondered how the optimist manages to still see the bright side during mornings like these? It seems impossible. I used to speculate that optimists just don’t have anything to be pessimistic about. Maybe their lives are just better than mine. Maybe only good things happen to them. Maybe they’re actually just really lucky people. At least, that’s the theory I carried around in my mind next to all my other pessimistic thoughts for most of my life. Like most users, I made excuses and rationalizations for my addiction. But not anymore.
Eventually, I had that rock bottom moment where I knew my habit was crippling me. I was finally ready to admit it. I wanted to break free of its grip. I wanted to take control. I wanted to be an optimist. I wanted to own a pair of those rose-colored glasses. Maybe it is possible, I thought. Maybe I can change.
I knew breaking the habit couldn’t happen over night, and I couldn’t cut cold turkey. I started slow. I took baby steps. Just replace one negative thought for a positive one, I told myself. And then two, and three… But like overcoming most addictions, it was challenging and there were relapses. Those pesky pessimistic thoughts kept creeping their way back to the surface. That’s when I decided I couldn’t fight this alone. My treatment would require a plan and a support system.
In March 2011, I launched Filling the Glass, a blog devoted to my journey to a more optimistic life. Here, I share my laughter, frustrations, insights, and experiences on my road to a healthy, positive mental attitude. With the accountability of a community of online readers, I know I can make a full recovery. But if there are ever days when my wine glass seems half-empty, know that I’ll probably just fill it up!
