“You’re a bit of a Debbie Downer, aren’t you?” This question was posed to me recently by       
 someone  I had chatted only briefly with on a few occasions. But in just those few short 
 conversations, he had already spotted my habit. 

      “Yes I am,” I replied. The first step, after all, is admitting you have a problem. “But I’m trying to     
 quit,” I added enthusiastically. The second step: making the decision to change.

     “Oh yeah?” he said. “How’s that going for you?”

     Apparently not well, I thought.

     As it turns out, changing who you are as a person and how your mind thinks is not quite that simple. It is easy to wake up and say, “Today I will be positive!” But in the face of adversity, to know how to implement that decision is far more difficult. It was time for step three: seeking help.

Lesson One: The Blame Game

     To truly kick my addiction to pessimism, I knew I needed assistance from a professional. However, therapy on a journalist’s salary seemed like a stretch, so I went the self-help route. I commenced my journey to filling the glass with the help of psychologist Martin E.P. Seligman’s audiobook Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life.

     As I hit play on my iPod, I admit I was a bit skeptical, but I was also rather excited. Fix me, I thought. Teach me Optimism!

     In the first five minutes, Dr. Seligman explained the primary difference between a pessimist and an optimist. Most of his defining characteristics were things I’ve heard many times before, but I was struck by one in particular. Dr. Seligman explained that pessimists think bad events will last a long time, allow them to affect all other areas of their lives, and blame themselves. Optimists think bad events are temporary setbacks, which have causes specific to only that area of their lives, and they blame circumstances or other people.

     Hold on a minute. So my first step to becoming an optimist is to fault other people for my problems and setbacks? I pondered this for a moment and all its possible applications in life.

     A project you worked on received negative feedback? Don’t sweat it. Your teammates are completely to blame for that one. They’re not nearly as talented as you. Had an argument with a friend? They have issues. You were just being a great friend as always. Got rejected after a date? Like you were really interested anyway. You were so out of his league. He was clearly intimidated.

     Oh, wait, I have actually applied that last one from time to time. Maybe I am part optimist. My excitement grew. I could get behind this, I thought. I began to wonder if this way of thinking was “The Secret” I keep hearing so much about. Why had no one let me in on it sooner? No wonder optimists are so happy! In their minds, they can do no wrong.

     Alright, maybe I was getting a little ahead of myself. I continued on with my lesson, listening to Dr. Seligman give examples of ways optimists and pessimists react to unpleasant situations. Through them, I developed a clearer understanding of how externalizing blame truly is beneficial. The idea, he notes, is not to avoid personal responsibility, but to strike a balance and keep troubles from ruining your life. As a pessimist, I have been quick to fault myself for bad events in the past. And as Dr. Seligman explains, this thought process can be crippling. Rather than taking constructive actions, as an optimist would, a pessimist will feel dejected and shut down. My addiction, it turns out, is harmful in ways I'd never even considered. Good thing I was getting help! 

     At the conclusion of my first day's session, Dr. Seligman gave me an assignment. I was to log five adverse situations and my reactions to them. The first step in my recovery, he says, is becoming aware of when I use my pessimistic explanatory style. Then we can work on changing it. But let's keep it between us that my immediate reaction to the assignment was, "Great, five bad things have to happen to me this week," all of which I plan to blame on Dr. Seligman.